Happiness & Wellbeing with Dr Charmaine Saunders

Sample Newsletters September 2006 Hello again, It's been a week of lessons from various sources - angels and teachers are everywhere around us. They say that 'when the pupil is ready, the teacher will appear.' I've always believed that timing and being open to life is everything. Love also comes in many different guises. Last week, I spoke to a lady who clears houses for a living, as in spiritual cleaning. She told me a lot about myself and my current life just from 20 minutes on the phone. It was all stuff I knew but needed reminding of. Yesterday, I went and had a session of reiki which must've brought a lot of negativity to the surface as my body has not stopped aching since. I find it hard to understand why so many people have difficulty in asking for help. I will go to any lengths to feel better when I'm down which, luckily, isn't often but life is too precious to struggle through even one day. When I have a difficult day, I write about it, extract whatever lesson it has to offer then I get up the next day expecting all to be great again. Change is often preceded by great restlessness and dissatisfaction. How else would we know that we can't drift anymore, that more growth is necessary? Right now, I feel that 2 or 3 weeks of just drifting would be grand, preferably on a tropical beach somewhere but duty calls and deadlines beckon. Do write and share your experiences if you've a mind to. Charmaine August 2006 Change is what this year seems to be all about. No wonder we're all feeling so restless and uneasy. Each one of us goes through changes in our individual lives but it's unusual to feel the intensity of global change as we have been. We are literally living out the history books of the future. The new millenium came with many dire warnings and we thought we got off lightly last year but maybe 2001 was the start of it, after all. Where does that leave us spiritually and psychologically? Apart from feeling wrung out, it is once again an opportunity for growth, as everything is. Last week, I spoke of teachers and how inspiration comes in many different forms. In my work, I call these `signposts.' They're everywhere but we have to choose to see them. They guide us through the darkest tunnel and the deepest forest. Although they come from within, we can see them in external signs such as a friend's words, the lyrics of a song, a line in a book. My closest friend reminded me this week that we learned years ago there really are only two emotions - love and fear, representing all the positives and the negatives. I'd go further and say that all emotions are valuable and important, even the so-called negative ones like anger, hate and resentment. Emotion is only energy and therefore cannot harm us or others if we don't hold onto it. This is the hard part as we humans love to dramatise and struggle. We seem to forget that we are here to learn and play and love as well as grow, heal and serve. Fear causes control and rigidity and a limited life. These are recurring lessons and right now, we're all being given large doses of it. What to do? Hold onto what matters to you, no matter how bumpy the ride gets. You won't fall off! Your wheels might but you'll always be okay. Remember the oasis of power and strength inside you that never alters even as the world spins into chaos and all our beliefs are being held up for questioning. Change is always uncomfortable and yet, is, in itself, a constant in our lives. Another `teacher' reminded me yesterday about transcending the ego - how hard is that?! Mastery of self, staying in the moment, trusting - all ongoing lessons that are being severely tested at this time, and that old biggie - patience, not one of my personal favorites! As you can tell, I'm feeling a lot more like myself this week. A sure sign is when we can laugh at ourselves again unlike the down times, when we disintegrate into self-pity, humourlessness and defeat. Oh, well, what did I say? It's all good! Hope you're all feeling good too. And if you're not, you will do! Remember my new book, `Winning relationships' is now out. I had a nice write-up in the `West Australian' on the weekend and lots of people took the time to write and comment positively. It's wonderful to be the recipient of generosity of spirit. I love to see others succeed and it hurts when others don't feel the same way about you. Let's all succeed but also have fun along the way. July 2006 Did you feel the effects of the full moon this week? I hope you're not adversely affected by full moons. Some make me edgy, some sad, some extra clumsy but regardless, on the day it actually becomes full, I feel a kind of elation. It's a proven fact that human life is affected by the movements of the moon and therefore it follows that this is also true of the planets, stars and all other cosmic phenomena. Still, we should all aim to get to a point in life where external events no longer affect us so much. To that end, I say this daily affirmation, "My only responsibility each day is joy." It's funny how when I'm in joy, everything else works out and even if it doesn't, I'm okay. Earlier today, while I've been working online, I had on a silly midday movie about surfing and the beach - it was light and funny and I got to hear all those wonderful old 60s songs again like "Warm California sun" and "A summer place" - ah, the good old days. Yes, life was certainly simpler and happier then but the trick is to stay there in our hearts, regardless of what's happening around us. Detachment is a wonderful thing, not very easy for Westerners. September 11 has left ripples that are still affecting many aspects of life - travel, emotions, economics, the future. "No man is an island," said John Donne and how true that is still after all these centuries. Sorry to keep quoting but here's another one - "Love is all you need," said a great peace-lover. We certainly could have used John Lennon's voice in these current times. But we can hold onto his message and try to live his ideals in a far from ideal world. Hold onto this thought if you have lost your job or walked away from a relationship or are hurting for money. It's all small stuff in the end. Laugh, dance, sing silly songs, hug a lot, cry when you feel like it, live every experience, even the not-so-nice ones. Have a great week and remember - "wherever you go, you are there." Charmaine June 2006 Counselling's a bit like picking the scab of a wound. Sometimes, my clients come in quite happy and leave crying! It's my job to poke around in painful things - only when the poison flows can healing begin. It is not very pleasant to watch people sob in emotional agony or have to relive terrible hurts but I know how much better they're going to feel later so I just wait quietly for the pain to subside and their new lives to begin. I've been through it myself and the liberation is indescribably wonderful. Final word on passion for the time being - a reader offered this definition: 'passion is a heightened level of participation in life - it adds elements of risk but also levels of elevated return.' Good, eh? And a quote on the same subject - 'reason ruling alone is a force confining and passion unattended is a flame that burns to its own destruction.' What I get out of that is - we need both. Love comes in many forms. For me, it is in the beautiful ocean I swam in this morning; it's in the email I received last week from a friend I haven't heard from in a long while; it was in the magnificent voices of the South african troupe who performed 'The Mysteries' which I saw last Saturday as part of the Perth festival; it's in the eager faces of the athletes lining up to do their countries proud in the Winter olympics at the exquisite opening ceremony on Sunday; it's in the simplicity and majesty of our lives as we go about our business every day. On Valentine's day, we are celebrating one kind of love and that's okay because romantic love is important too but I always like to emphasise that love exists only within each human soul and therefore, if you haven't got someone special in your life right now, love yourself, love your friends, love your life. No-one can ever truly be without love and if you feel you are, you have simply turned away from yourself. Never give up your dream of finding romance if you haven't currently got it and if you have a lover/partner, cherish them and let them know that you do. The years pass far too soon and as Indira Ghandi said, 'It's the things I haven't done that will haunt me on my deathbed.' Don't let one of those things be failing to let those you love know your heart. There is no death, especially for love. Well, I think I've been suitable soppy for this occasion. I am the ultimate sook. Charmaine May 2006 Positive thinking is an intrinsic, ongoing theme of these weekly discussions. I write as a private person, not a counsellor. This week, I want to speak about loss - a sad subject, but sadness is part of the repertoire of being human and has a rightful place amongst our emotional equipment. The thing is not to be weighed down and crushed by sadness and to rise up by means of - yes, you guessed it - positive thinking! Positive thinking has little to do with laughing and being gleeful. It is more of an attitude, something we choose, even on the darkest days and in the face of great pain. The world is in pain right now. There has been tremendous loss and suffering recently. Most weeks, if we're lucky, we have a convenient loss of memory - we forget about old hurts, our mortality and the unkindness of some people in our lives. That's a good thing. We should focus on our blessings and not our lacks. Some people seem to get to 40 or even 50 without losing a really close family member or friend. I lost my first significant person at the age of 11 and soon after, had to leave behind a dog who worshipped me to move to another country. To my dying day, I will never forget the sight of Trixie throwing herself into the air at me,straining to the extent of her leash, when I saw her for the last time. She knew it was goodbye. Throughout my life, I have continually had to say goodbye to people who have either died or left my life in other ways, notably my two dogs and cat who passed on a few years ago but who are never forgotten. Not having had children, my animals are like my babies. Am I too sentimental? Undoubtedly. Would I like to care less about things? No. Rod Mckeon wrote, `Now and then it's good to let a little pain come into your life; it makes you know you're alive.' I usually feel the electric touch of life's aliveness and that's a lot pleasanter than grief or sadness. But honouring one's feelings is part of psychological health. I used to be a great one for covering up my pain and coping and smiling in the face of adversity. Not anymore. I wish you positive life, winning-life, no matter what you're feeling today or any other day. You're entitled! I wish you love, Charmaine April 2006 I suffer from SAD - seasonal adjustment disorder - which brings symptoms each April and Sept. of feelings similar to flu' but also depression, fatigue and lethargy. So all in all, I'm not having a happy week. One close friend of mine is going through a break-up and I heard about another woman whose dog strangled itself in the backyard a couple of weeks ago plus all the strife in the world. My little problems don't warrant much of a mention but they're real to me and whether professionally or personally, I like to be a `real' person, full of imperfections like everyone else. Particulraly in these newsletters, I want to write about things that really matter to me, not just what is safe and correct. I have an issue with rejection - there I've said it and the sky hasn't fallen in. A lot of people dislike criticism, fear failure, feel unloved. I don't really feel any of these but at a very deep level, I must still feel `unworthy' as when someone neglects or ignores me, I feel very hurt. The counsellor in me says it doesn't matter, that we should be detached from these considerations, have clear, healthy boundaries and not take things personally. However, our beliefs are reflected in the reality of our lives. What we see around is a mirror showing us ourselves, what we believe, feel and are creating. These reflections are a constant monitor of our progress and sometimes, very uncomfortable. Our issues are ongoing lessons. Just when we think we have life licked, something happens that brings out all the same insecurities. They can only change from within. All we can do is see it, laugh at our own frailty and learn a little more. that's all we have - hope and a new day. Some days and weeks and years will always be tougher than others. A lot of people are saying 2006 is proving to be very challenging but there are always gifts even in the worst scenarios. The thing is not to give in to our fears. Stay happy or if you don't feel you can, find the strength inside to expect a better day soon. February 2006 Hi, I am always "preaching" to my clients, radio listeners, readers and students that happiness is a choice, a state of being rather than a goal or outside events. Yesterday, on the net, I read a good line about this - "You can choose to be on the road TO happiness or on the road OF happiness." A very good way of putting it. I always try to live the second path but some days, some weeks, it feels impossible. Outside circumstances get so overwhelming, challenging and stressful that you feel you can't even breathe, let alone deal with whatever needs handling. This is when attitude counts for everything. I try to live what psychologists call an` examined life.' I use the difficulties as they occur and try to learn from them. I ask myself what the reflections are from my own attitudes and feelings - have I been negative in my thinking to attract the difficulties; is there a lesson to be learned; what could I do differently? My first response is usually that I have taken on too much and invited extreme stress because that is one of my ongoing issues. So it's then time to stop and meditate on life's real purpose and enjoy the things that matter in the long run like nature and love and simple pleasures. We all stumble and fall but it's the accumulation of pressure that is a sure warning sign. So do take heed of your own signals and don't let life get on top of you. You're the boss, remember! I love this saying - "Obstacles are the things you see when you take your eyes off your goal." Henry Ford January 2006 Hello everyone, This week, I've been thinking about being spiritual. Years ago, it was a real dilemna for me to understand how one can be successful in a very practical world and maintain one's spiritual integrity at the same time. Then I came to see it - we are all spiritual 24 hours a day regardless of what we're doing. The Bhagwan - remember him? - said that when we choose to live our lives with joy, all becomes meditation. I feel that energy moving through my life now but as I said last week, we are sometimes drawn from our centres when we get too busy and stressed. After I decided last week to stop the world and get off for a while, I began to feel very calm again and life feels easier once more. Our outside world always reflects our inner so peace reigns once again in my world. It's a lesson we all need to remember as life gets busier and busier. We need to do nothing to be spiritual. we already are but we must be open to it in order to live that part of our reality. Otherwise, life is just a cycle of recurring physical experiences, some tedious (household chores!), some pleasurable (sex!) and it's not living our full potential, is it? Wayne Dyer says we are not physical beings having a spiritual soul bags, xperience but spiritual beings having a physical experience. I guess that says it all. I talk about our `physical cases' that we need in order to operate on this planet but in a book I've been reading, I heard this described as our `soul bags.' Great, eh? Sometimes, I actually find things like washing, eating, going to the toilet and bathing a nuisance because it takes time out from things that really matter! but of course, balance is the key as with so many things in life. Enjoy all your experiences, be total so that when you die, you won't have to regret all you didn't feel, even the conflicts, challenges and difficulties. It's all good. From one soul bag to others, have a good week! Charmaine